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Why separate fact from feeling?

Understand the right way to reinforce positive behaviour

Julian Cook avatar
Written by Julian Cook
Updated over a week ago

You want to make sure the message you're sending someone is heard by them in the way you intended, right?!

So, there's one simple trick that works every time:

Describe the facts of what happened then your feelings about it.

For example:

“Hey {name removed}, a little feedback from me below.

Fact - last week you created a Howmie [that’s what the Howamigoing team call ourselves] Developer boot camp doc in Google, then you shared it in Slack for everyone to see, with a long explanation behind it.”

Feeling - it makes me think you want to be and you will be a great teacher. It makes me feel that you take action from our discussions. Makes me feel proud to have you on the team. Keep up the good work ☺️.”


  • Stating the facts up front means you're both on the same page

  • Then, your subjective view of those facts can be delivered safely and received warmly.

Works perfectly for less friendly feedback too!

Check out the ~3 min video below for more info to help you get the hang of this simple, critical skill that'll help you in all areas of life.

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